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Life Giver Killer

As I sit by your bedside, I just can’t believe my eyes.

please, don’t die.

You’re beginning to flatline, your heartbeat is growing weak.

Sweet, gentle, and kind. You’re innocence as strong as your spirit is meek.

As you lay there with your arms stretched out, your legs crossed, I can’t help but feel a sense of loss.

my soul is lost…

Who did this to you? What kind of evil is this?

Who would betray you with a smile and murder you with a kiss?

Tears fill my eyes, I cannot comprehend this injustice.


Anger overtakes me, I demand to know the culprit as I sit in this pit of despair.

This cannot be real, it just isn’t fair.

I grab your hand, I can hear a faint whisper as you try to speak. So, I lean in closer because your body is way too weak.

I know you’re fading fast so I ask you one last time in desperation,

Please! Just tell me, I need an explanation.

Who did this?

I will find them and make them pay for what they have done.

They have taken you from the world, they have killed the sun.

There will be no more radiant beauty, no more warmth from your glow.

No more perfect light,

Only the deepest depths of darkness once you go.

I need to know, tell me.

Who wears blood-stained hands like a badge of dishonor, Father, please just tell me!

Almost on cue, you looked into my eyes. Your gaze pierced my soul as if I already knew…

“Oh sweet daughter”, you said as the life left your body. “The person who killed me…”

“was you.”


I wrote this poem coming out of a difficult time in my life. I realized that I had disobeyed Jesus with some decisions that I had made and in essence crucified Him (the life giver) over again with my actions. At the time I didn’t realize the depth of my deception and sin, and the realization of everything I had done, broke me. This poem speaks to that journey, the journey and heartbreak of coming face to face with yourself and your sin.

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